It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
