dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
