i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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