Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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