I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize