i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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