You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This is my gift to your gina
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
