Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
