On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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