Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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