This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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