How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
