The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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