I need help removing her.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
