you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
