My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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