The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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