That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
