Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
