Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
