I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
