Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
