why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
