i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Two words: nipple clamps
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