I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Best friends brother. Beat that.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
