maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
