how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
