what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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