Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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