My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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