Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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