Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
