good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
