these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
