I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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