oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
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All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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