I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
