worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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