he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
