Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
