Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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