coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Text me some of your sweat
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
