I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
