I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
