call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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