Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
