you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
