That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
