Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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