I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
