It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
