so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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