i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
