That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
