I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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