bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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