"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
