That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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