she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
