That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
