It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
