I think my fart just growled at me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
