It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
