My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
