Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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