if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
