he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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