Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
