This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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