Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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