just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she smelled like a LAN party
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
