i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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