You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Boobs are out for the taking
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize