i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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