i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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