I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
