I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dicks are not precious.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
