Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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