It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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