I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
