It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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