I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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