Whod you bang
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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