omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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